Why women shouldn’t speak in the car…


Well, today’s piss-me-off of the day is dedicated to: WOMEN DRIVERS.

Because apparently, women drivers are different to the normal, average and well-behaved driver. Indeed, women, because of their anatomy and scattish brains, are completely useless behind the wheel. In fact, they don’t even have to be driving to cause a crash. All they need to do is simply speak aloud to their driver. Seriously! It might seem like an innocent and simple act but the female’s hushed tones and soft spoken utterances coarse through the mans body like poison. It begins at the ears and then trickles and pulses through his veins, causing his arms and legs to spasm in a bizarre right-angular motion. His body convulses and starts to repulse away from the wheel like two facing magnets. Eventually, her murmur pierces through his eyelids, impairing his vision until gauging his eyeballs out of his head and onto his lap! Unable to see, the car swerves catastrophically into a nearby tree, fatally injuring both of them… All because she had the audacity to speak in your car.*


*Editors note: this is entirely satirical. Women’s voices do not cause crashes or convulsions in the male body. Statistically, men are three times more likely to die in a car accident due to negligent driving. Typically, the term ‘boy racer’ refers to young idiotic males who think their car is a mechanical toy, rather than the glossy coffin it actually is. Their insurance is typically higher than women’s as they’re generally ‘worse’ drivers… Not that they are aware of this or are willing to accept as white male privilege allows them to chauvinistically overrule all opposition and instead blame all of their wrongdoings in society on women.


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